I am not even gonna to front, writing this piece was a serious struggle for me, y’all. I tried to think of a million and one other things I could possibly write about because I did not want to get into this subject at all. Toxic culture is promoted through podcast gurus, situationships with no boundaries have been adopted as the new norm—the way this generation is set up, you would be blessed to make it out of the relationship market alive.
Thank God we have Papoose and Remy MA or LeBron and Savannah James to look up to when it comes to bae goals, but celebrities should not be the blueprint when it comes to a successful relationship.
You see, I was raised in what I call a marital dynasty. My parents are still married, I have five siblings who are all happily married, and then there is me. I am not married. To be completely transparent, I feel not only pressured but like a failure in this department. I always approach life like I am going to win, but the older I get, the less confident I become that I will be a wife. I do not want to look at TikTok couples, celebrity couples, or even my parents as ‘bae goals’, I want to be my own.
First of all, not being married at this age is super hard for me and borderline embarrassing. I am 31 years old and definitely not a city girl. I am a God-fearing, praying woman—ambitious, sweet and spicy, and absolutely in love with the idea of being in love. In my world, I’m not better than anyone but I still consider myself a great catch. For some reason beyond me, other than being a 10-year girlfriend at one point in time, I am not yet married.
I know society pushes the whole “independent woman” and “I don’t need a man” concepts, which are correct in theory because all we need is God, but at the same time I was groomed to be a wife and a mother. So I cannot help but to feel lonely at times. On top of that, you couldn’t pay me a billion dollars to bear a child without a ring. (Okay, I may be reaching, because everybody’s got a price, but I am sure you understand what I mean.)
Yes, I would like to be a mother, but I have to be a wife first. Yes, I would like to be a wife, but someone has to propose to me first. This just makes me feel like I have to put my bae goals and my destiny into someone else’s hands. I don’t know about you, but when I cannot control my own outcome, that is when my fear starts to kick in.
It seems to me like a lot of men in my generation want to talk about you carrying a child before they even—if ever—ask for your hand in marriage. The title of “Baby Mama” has become a norm that I would rather not participate in. Life is a struggle as it is, so I will try my best not to make it any harder. Not to mention all the baby mama vs. baby daddy Facebook status updates have given me PTSD at this point. No shade and more power to anybody who falls into this category, but God knows that is not the life for me—I would’ve been booked behind bars and in someone’s cell a very long time ago.
Equally important to note: the dating pool has pee in it, for sure. How embarrassing that the 30+ crew are online still debating the concept of 50/50 in a relationship. And why are we pushing the ‘grass is always greener’ narrative instead of watering our own lawns? This generation has rewritten the rules of what I thought love, companionship, and relationship were all about. It just doesn’t seem to be sacred anymore. This generation is giving Chrisean Rock and BlueFace when my standard is more like Denzel and Pauletta Washington.
Okay, now that I got all my thoughts out, I admit writing this piece was actually very therapeutic. What I realize is putting my bae goals in this generation’s hands is where I’ve gone wrong this entire time. I’ve struggled because other people do not have power or authority over my life nor destiny. I need to put my goals into God’s hands. And because I trust God so much, that will help me rid myself of the fear I have been holding onto for a long time.
Who are your favorite couples, bae goals, and relationship inspirations, and why?Leave a Comment